


The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me

by cakely



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Everyone is Gender Neutral, One-Sided Relationship, Other, You are not Frisk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 02:11:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5188199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cakely/pseuds/cakely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You've been trapped inside of Frisk's head with Chara for a long time. The two of you fight for influence, but after a certain point, it's a battle you're only losing. Will you ever find a way out of the constant cycles of murder and hate to find your own happiness? (Reader has feelings for Sans, but they're mostly peripheral to the story. Chara berates the reader a lot.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me

It’s the eleventh iteration, and you’ve died hundreds, if not _thousands_ of times already. Too many to count, too many even to remember, but you’d felt every single death. You remember some specific ones so clearly you can almost still feel them happening: one of Undyne’s spears piercing right through Frisk’s body, Asgore’s fire burning you alive, Flowey’s vines squeezing the life out of Frisk. Forcing control back from Chara and letting Sans kill you. You remember that one especially well, because you felt so glad, and laughed at the rage that had spilled from Chara, angrier than you’d ever seen them. It was you they’d been so angry at after all, not Sans, and it had taken them about twenty more tries until they got their footing and focus back in the fight.

 _Haha!_ You’d cheer every time Chara lost, _You’re never going to get past Sans. You might as well reset now, and let me on the playing field again._

Of course, that was the iteration- the seventh- Where Chara had finally gotten their way and murdered every living soul in the underground, destroying the world in the process. They’d been so _smug_ about it too, that was the worst part. Well, no, not really, but they’d be so insufferably arrogant when you realized you had no control left at all. When you'd begged them to let you reset.

After that, even when Frisk listened to you and ignored Chara, there was no real happy ending. Chara would take over once again after all of your friends had gotten their happy end, while you watched in horror, helpless. It had been the eighth iteration, after everyone had made it to the surface. Slash, snap, crack. They died shocked and horrified, and there was nothing you could do but let Chara reset once again.

This time though, you were stronger. Chara had been lazy, possibly because you’d barely put up a fight on the last route. Frisk seemed more tired than usual too, though they couldn’t remember anything from the previous timelines as far as you could tell. You were thankful for that. You imagined that it was bad enough for Frisk as it was, with you and Chara fighting all of the time in their head, even if they weren’t completely aware of the two of you.

“hey. i heard you’re going to the core. how about grabbing some dinner with me first?” Sans asked, snapping you out of your memories. Yes, you thought, and Frisk nodded. You felt around for Chara’s presence, but found nothing there. Were they asleep? Good.

Frisk followed Sans through his shortcut into the MTT restaurant, while you tried to gather your thoughts. Chara wouldn’t be gone for long, but the timing of this was good. If you were very, very careful, and were determined enough... Chara always assumed direct control of Frisk at the end of their murder-routes, so why couldn’t you try it, too? You’d managed it once before after all, in your most desperate moment. In the time you’d spent with Sans, you’d gotten the idea that if anyone could help you out, find a real solution, it’d be him. If you could just talk to him...

You remembered the way Chara had acted when they'd realized how much you enjoyed your time spent with Sans and the others.They’d laughed and mocked you, sneering at you and hissing insults. _Ridiculous! Care about you? They don’t even know you exist. Not to mention you’re the one who let me KILL EVERYONE. You’re pathetic. Disgusting. You’re just...so incredibly sad!_

Chara had been extra forceful the next time they slashed their knife across Sans' chest. Time after time, and he was the only monster who ever bled like that. Someday, you vowed, they were really going to pay.

Sitting down at the restaurant table, you checked for Chara again. No noise, just static. Occasionally, they’d leave, but they always came back, usually at the worst possible time. This time though, you’d get your message across. You had to. How many times more would you play out the game before you went crazy?

Mentally, you apologized to Frisk. You felt their confusion before you blanketed yourself over their being, smoothing over their soul and pushing your way into your body. It was exhausting- your soul felt stretched thin, uncomfortable, and shaky. Then, with a large heave and shift, you were in, and Frisk was pushed to the back.

You blinked and flexed your fingers. Took a deep breath. You were alive, you were living, you were in complete control, nearly drunk off the feeling of being alive again-

“Sans!” You yelped, and he jerked, startled. You watched as his eyes seemed to narrow in suspicion.

“yeah, kid? something you wanna say?” He asked cautiously, and you nodded, maybe a little too vigorously. Hey, I’ll cut you some slack- you hadn’t had a body of your own in a very long time.

Clearing your throat, you tried to figure out where to start.

“Okay, so we don’t have a lot of time. How much do you remember from the other timelines?” You whispered, your voice sounding rough. Frisk never spoke a lot, so their voice was misused, and on top of that, it felt weird for you to be speaking aloud at all. Somehow, a part of you was worried that if you spoke too loud, Chara would wake up and ruin it, and you’d never get a chance to speak like this again.

Sans leaned across the table, looking like he was unsure what to make of you. Finally, he replied, “bits and pieces. enough to know about what you really are.” A blue light flickered inside his skull, “enough to know that no matter what i do, you’re gonna reset or kill everyone.”

You shook your head. “Not me. Chara, the first fallen human. There’s three of us, yeah? Me, Frisk- They’re the host, the one who really makes the decisions, until Chara takes over, at least- and there’s Chara. They’re the soul who...wants to kill everyone.”

Sans looked skeptical. You barrelled onward.

“You have to believe me, okay? I don’t know what to do. I didn’t- I should’ve tried harder. I was so tired, and- and once Chara assumed control, it was all over. I needed to bargain with them in order to reset and now, no matter what, there’s never a happy ending. Everyone dies or it’s reset or-” You can feel your throat closing up. It’s so unbelievably raw, to be saying it aloud, to actually tell someone else about the hell you’ve been going through. To admit that you let Chara influence Frisk, because the happy endings were always reset anyways, and that it was partially your fault that Chara always won now. You’d lost, forever, and it was your own damn fault.

“a bargain huh? so what’d you sell?” Sans asked.

“The only thing Chara wanted. A human soul,” You murmured. You could see sweat bead down Sans’ head, and his teeth clench into a grimace.

“if you’re trying to be inspirational, you’re doing a terrible job,” he said, “you’re telling me that no matter what i do, it’s not only always going to be reset, but the everyone’s gonna die, because this person has ownership of frisk’s soul? no matter what, we’re boned?”

“Not Frisk’s soul.” You corrected.

He gave you a long look. “so chara’s the first human who fell down here. i know that story fine. but who are you supposed to be?”

“I’m... just the player. I don’t know, exactly. I can’t remember how this started.,” you answered. “But I can’t watch Chara kill you- kill _everyone_ over and over. I... I can’t...” Inside your head, something shifted, and it wasn’t Frisk. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

“You have to find a way to separate all of our souls. With Chara and I out of Frisk, we won’t have the power to SAVE or reset, and Frisk won’t reset with us out- I think. It’s possible. Go to Alphys. You and her... you can find a way, I know you can do it. Once we’re out, leave Chara to me.” You spoke quickly, voice panicked and strained. “I will deal with them.”

“kid.” Sans leaned in closer, looking despondent. He shook his head, “i don’t think i can do that. if _he_ was still around, maybe, but...” You gripped his hands across the table.

“You have to. And you have to remember this conversation.” You looked Sans straight in his eyes, punctuating your words with as much determination as you could muster. “You have to remember this. You have to remember.”

“frisk, the fallen human, and the player. separate the souls. all the fallen human seems to chara-bout is murdering everyone. i think i got it.” Sans nodded at you, giving a little smile. “least you got through to me this time.”

“Good,” you broke out into a relieved smile. “Good. Sans, I believe in you. You can do it, no matter how long it takes, even if you just make a little progress each time. You don’t know me, but I know you, and-” Your speech halted.

_J U S T  W H A T  D O  Y O U  T H I N K  Y O U ‘ R E  D O I N G ?_

“Oh god. Shit.” You let go of Sans’ hands, pushing yourself away from him and back against the chair. Surprise, concern, and anger flashed across his face, before his expression settled into an unreadable mask. You know his expressions all too well by now, and recognized him as getting ready for the possibility of a fight.

_Y O U  L I T T L E  S N E AK._

“chara, huh?” You nodded. Your face had gone completely white. Amazing how, even though you’d shared a headspace with Chara for so long, they still scared the hell out of you.

A voice hissed in your ear, from directly behind you, making your skin prickle with goosebumps. _Look at you, breaking the rules. Do you think this will change anything? No. I’m going to kill them all again, and nothing you and sans will do will stop me. I am stronger than you. I’ll reset, and kill, kill, kill, kill, K I L L._

“Fuck you, Chara.” You choked out, before your control was wrenched from you. Frisk blinked wildly, looking at Sans in confusion.

“How did I get here, Sans?” Frisk whispered. Sans closed his eyes, and then smiled.

“we were just having dinner, did you forget?” he said.

Chara was screaming at you, pressing you into the corner of Frisk’s head, flattening you against the wall.

 _Your soul belongs to me_ , they were saying, _did you forget? Did you forget that I own you? Did you think you could pull one over on me?_

The two of you were so entwined, Chara with their wrath and fury, that Frisk was able to continue their conversation with Sans without either of you affecting them. While they chatted amicably, you could see Sans searching in Frisk’s expression for you, and you were simultaneously being thrown, crushed and flattened by Chara inside of Frisk’s headspace, wherever the two of you were trapped in space and time.

_You will never win. I will take everything from you, over and over again. Humanity is despicable, and you’re the worst of it, simpering with your stupid love and affection and feelings. I will kill Sans over and over and you will feel it when I plunge my knife into his body. I hate you so much. I hate you all so goddamn much._

It was a constant stream from Chara, so forceful you thought they might be on the verge of hot, angry tears. You squirmed, trying to get away from them, but they were everywhere, oppressive and ever-present. You couldn’t even breathe without taking in their words.

_You think this will change anything? You’re wrong. Frisk likes me better, they listen to me more. It will always end the same way. Over and over. You, and me._

_F O R E V E R_

Neither of you could influence Frisk for the rest of the route, with Chara so focused on berating you and you, held in place by Chara. The next run, you couldn’t say a thing, and Chara massacred everyone more brutally and sadistically than you’d ever seen. Your hands were completely tied, and you could do nothing but watch as they convinced Frisk to toy with and obliterate everyone, before Chara slipped into the seat of control themselves.

“This is your punishment” Chara said in Frisk’s voice as they walked down the corridor to where the two of you always met Sans. “This is your punishment for your interference. Naughty kids must learn to behave, you know?”

They were merciless, and Sans didn’t say a word that indicates he remembers your conversation.

 

* * *

 

What iteration is this?

You don’t know. You lost count after the twenty-third timeline. It’s always the same, anyway. Bloodshed, or peace and then bloodshed later. No matter what, someone’s on the opposite end of the knife. You’re exhausted, Frisk is exhausted, and Chara is probably getting tired, too, although they’re so motivated by their hate you don’t doubt that they could continue this forever.

 _Forever._ What an awfully long time. Part of you almost wishes you could be like Chara, and not care at all. But you still do. You still love Papyrus and his puzzles, Toriel and her comforting home, Sans and Undyne and Alphys and Mettaton and Asgore. Everyone. You still love them all, and if it could kill you, it would have by now. This sure is some special kind of hell.

You've even come to love Flowey ( _it's not_ exactly _his fault, after all_ ) and part of you even loves _Chara,_ for being stuck in Frisk’s head with you. Oh, you do hate them too, for putting you through this again and again, but there’s a camaraderie you feel, like two twins inside a womb together. You feel them, so close- their hate, their never-ending bitterness and spite and _hate_. You can sympathize, just a little maybe. But still-

Someday, you’ll kill them yourself.

This run has been peaceful. There’s been more of those lately, as if even Chara is getting bored too. The two of you bicker while Frisk makes their own way, and Frisk, in their default state, is kinder than Chara had tried to convince you that they are. Frisk played in Snowden with Papyrus, made friends with Undyne, refused to fight whenever they could. You whispered in their ear compliments and reassurance when you felt they needed it, and Chara would roll their eyes in response.

It always ends up the same way. It always ended up the same-

“hey. you’ve been a good kid, frisk.” Sans says. You are standing in the same orange judgement hallway that you always do when you meet with Sans near the end,  surrounded by the pillars you’d been thrown into hundreds of times before. At least this time he’ll let you pass. No matter how many times Chara fights him, you always end up dying at least once.

“being good gives me more time to work, you know? so i’m glad. sometimes, you’re a real headache.” This is new. Both you and Chara perk up at Sans’ words, and Frisk tilts their head quizzically.

“it took a while, but alphys and i finally finished it.” Sans holds up a small device, no larger than the palm of his hand. “sorry i couldn’t give you any hints that we were getting somewhere. didn’t wanna let any tag alongs know.” Sans winks. If you had a heart, it would be hammering. Chara looks uneasy.

“but uh. here goes nothing.” You are ripped from Frisk, pulled out of their body and thrown to the ground. You have no real physical form now, but can feel your soul, oozing across the ground. You are formless and gooey and wrecked. Beside you, Chara is screaming, a wordless cacophony of rage.

Then, the two of you are pulled into the device.

You don’t know how long you’re stuck there, in the nothingness with Chara. When the two of you first realize you’re no longer stuck in Frisk’s head, you laugh, flooded with such relief and joy you feel high off of it.

 _Your power’s gone,_ you say, it’s over. _They’re going to get their happy ending._

 _No matter what, I’m taking you with me. Your soul’s mine, remember?_ Chara hisses in reply.

Then, you’re out. Not in a real body, mind you, or a body at all, but you’ve got a form, at least. You’re some kind of ghost maybe. Did you become a monster? Did Alphys figure out a way to give your souls form? Either way, Chara was still with you.

You wake up in her laboratory. Sans and Alphys are looking up at you, and for a minute, you can’t move. Chara tries to push their soul forward, to force their way into control, but you shove them back. It’s a battle of wills, and neither of you want to lose. You can see Sans and Alphys, hear Alphys question aloud whether or not the experiment worked.

You are _determined_ to not let Chara win this time. It’s them vs. you, winner takes all. No resets and no saving this time.

Finally, you slide forward and take control. Heaving a deep breath, you look at Sans and Alphys, feel how good it is to have a body that is yours (well, half yours) and not borrowed from a child. It feels different, being without Frisk, and you hope that they were able to find their own happiness. After a moment, you realize you’re in a robotic body, not unlike Mettaton’s.

“It hasn’t reset?” You questioned. Your voice is filtered through a speaker system. Sans grins and shakes his head.

“nope. and it won’t.” He replies. Chara is pounding in your head, demanding to be noticed and heard, demanding control. You can’t last like this, not for very long. You need to get away from Chara. Put them to bed.

You smile, and nodded in satisfaction.

“Okay. Okay, good. Hey, Sans?”

“yeah?”

“You need to kill me. One last time.”

 

* * *

 

 

You wake up somewhere else. There is no Chara. There’s no Frisk. There’s no Sans.

You are so happy for the silence that you could cry.

You live a normal life on the surface. Your job, that you hated before, is now a comfort. You don’t have a ton of money, but it’s enough to get by on. Each day is a new day, and though it’s not the best, you’re no longer trapped in a repeating cycles of unending murder, so hey! You take the small victories where you can.

If there is one thing that you wish for, it’s to see your friends again. Though, in a way, they’d never been _your_ friends exactly. But you still missed them. You’d still do anything for them. Somehow, though, you feel that you’ll never see any of them ever again. Just because they got their happy ending doesn’t mean you will get yours, after all. You were free-to ask for more would be greedy, wouldn’t it?

Half a year later or so later, it’s announced that monsters have come up from the underground, and are to join humanity on the surface. Some part of you had convinced yourself everything you’d experienced was a strange dream or delusion, but it’s hard to ignore the truth when every major news outlet is talking about the fact that monsters are real.

It’s tense, at first. A lot of talk of whether there’ll be a war or not. Things settle into a tense peace, and it’s a very strange few months as monsters move in and join the modern world.

You’re getting groceries one evening when you hear an excitable voice talking in the aisle over about the different types of spaghetti. You recognize it immediately, and there’s no doubt in your mind who it belongs to.

Dropping your bag, you run over to the aisle, and freeze at the end as you see two familiar skeletons in front of the pasta section. The can of peas you’re carrying drops from your hand and rolls across the ground.

“what? are you that _peased_ to see me?” Sans says, turning to look at you, hands shoved into his pockets.

“You know who I am?” You confirm, hand moving up to cover your mouth, too shocked to react to the abhorrent pun. You feel tears spring to your eyes. So your own body was a little weepy. At least they were _your_ tears.

“yep. been a while, huh? i think...you were kicked out to the start of the last timeline. or something. who knows.” Sans shrugs, “it’s over, now, anyway.”

“SANS, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHO IS THIS? A FRIEND?” Papyrus asks, looking at you curiously. You smile, wobbly, and nod.

“Hi, Papyrus.” You say with a smile. “S’nice to meet you.”

You don’t know where Chara is. Maybe they have their own body now, too. Or maybe the fallen child’s spirit has finally been put to rest. You don’t know exactly how you got here, if your soul is even still yours, but...

Somehow, you get the feeling everything will be alright this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I might do a proper multichapter reader/sans in the future! follow me on the tumblr @ adoochoo.tumblr.com~


End file.
